Church Hype

Burger King Shroom and Swiss

This is brilliant. Weird...but brilliant.

I Finally Made It!

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The 80's Were The Best

 

Hair on my head. Rolled up sleeves. Snug shorts. Doesn't get any better than that...can I get a what-what?

Top 10 Ways To Get Your Friends To Church

We did a video this week that will be shown this Sunday. It is to encourage our folks to invite their friends and neighbors to a special community event we have coming up.

Untitled from Bobby Chandler on Vimeo.

Flip The Pancake

If you don't laugh at this, then I just don't understand. These guys are a creative team that's worked with several large corporations...such as MAC (cosmetics).

Take A Chance On Me

Me and my guys goofing around...it was a late night at the office. We were there until about 11:15. This little ABBA rendition was probably around 10. Enjoy!

I'm So Happy I Could Eat A Horse

Wait. That expression is not right. I do that sometimes. Like

• I'm colder than a witch's race horse
• A penny saved is worth two in the bush
• Absence makes the heart grow sheep's clothing
• Beat a drawing board

There are some that I've never really understood the meaning. I know the idioms, but I really don't understand why we say it. Here's some examples:

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. What on earth does that even mean? I know it means to be thankful for what's been given to you, and to not question the value of the gift...but how did we arrive at that conclusion? Did somebody receive a horse as a gift, then made the mistake of looking in his mouth? Did the giver get so mad that he took the horse back? Why did he get so mad? Was this a weird insult from days of yore?

If it's not one thing, it's another. If it's not another thing, it's something else entirely different. This could go on and on.

Who let the cat out of the bag? I really like cats. I don't think they should be put in bags. In fact, the next time I see another cat in a bag, I'm calling that lady from the Golden Girls who's an animal rights activist.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones. If I lived in a glass house I would not:

1. Throw rocks inside my house
2. Throw rocks at my house
3. Walk around in the buff

You just put your foot in your mouth. Eww! I know people who can put their fists in their mouths. I know people who can lick their own elbows. But sticking your feet inside your mouth is just disturbing.

Heavens to Betsy! Who's Betsy? Was she in the Bible? When Betsy died, did heaven come to Betsy, rather than her going to heaven? I like to imagine Betsy as a sweet little old woman who, if she lived today, would have forwarded every email she ever received...and when I was just absolutely fed up with the 163rd forwarded email from Aunt Betsy, I called upon the Lord to just take Betsy home...to finally be at peace. She really had to keep a pretty frantic pace to forward all those emails.

I like to think I'm a pretty smart guy, but I'll be John Brown if I can't figure these idioms out!

Hey Joe...Let's Have A Meeting At 11:30...On My Bike

This, my friends, is the Conference Bike. Some say it's silly. I say it's as important to manual vehicle transportation as corn cob holders are to the full enjoyment of corn. This bike has 7 seats. Each facing inward toward each other. Each rider is pedaling in tandem with everyone else.

"It's not just a bike: It's a PARTY ON WHEELS!" Not my words, these are the words from the website. But I believe it's true.

How nice would this be? Seriously. You know how ministers go and do "visitation"? A lot of churches don't do that anymore...but this would be perfect for visiting sick people in the hospital, home bound people, etc.

 

Great thing is, there's enough seats for every ministry. Of course the pastor would be behind the wheel. To his right would be the Administrator. To his left would be the music minister. This makes sense really. The administrator and the music guy have the pastor's attention more than anyone else does. They were both able to call "shotgun" before the rest of the staff could get the conference bike.

While riding shotgun during the "conferide" is enviable, the guys to the left and the right of the pastor would prefer to be behind the wheel.

The administrator tries steer.

"No, we can't replace the orange shag carpet in the sanctuary - no money for that." This is reminiscent of the old person who can miraculously drive 45 mph and ride the brakes at the same time. What he's really saying is,"I don't want to spend budget money on new carpet just right now. Let's pull back the reigns on our spending for this budget year."

Or, "You guys have been working so hard, everyone can take off half a day on Friday. And go buy yourself a new iPhone 3g for $199 at your local Apple or AT&T store on the church credit card." Kinda like the country driver on a farm road. If you want to pass him on a 2 lane highway, he'll kindly pull off on the shoulder so that you can get on your way. He's a peaceful, good natured fellow who wants to get along with everyone.

What, your church administrator is not like the peaceful farmer? Ours is...I just assumed everyone's was.

The music minister is sitting quietly on the left.

He's so peaceful, prayerful, earnest. He just wants to praise the Lord. And he "could do that better if I had complete control of Sundays". He really wants to get behind the wheel and see what this baby can do.  Occasionally, he actually gets to drive the bike. Mostly during Christmas, or Easter. It's where most of the music guy's budget goes. These events get the most attention. The most promotion. And this is where his ministry shines. It shines like it's never shone before. And in the precious moments during the final key change, with sweat dripping from the brow of a satisfied man of God, he has to put the bike back in the pastor's garage. Those moments on the bike were the highlight of the year. Until Easter rolls around and he gets to back the bike out of the pastor's driveway and take it for a spin one more time. 

"But that's only three seats" you say? Yep. The other 4 seats have the College, Student, Children's and Sr. Adult ministers. They'll never, ever steer the bike - ever. They get to ride on the bike. They even get to pedal. But everyone knows they're only there because 3 guys can't pedal a 7 person bike.

The Superhero Guide To Pastors

One of my favorite blogs to read every morning is Stuff Christians Like. Very comical stuff....read it, now.

This morning, one of the posts was on the number of famous pastors and how to keep them straight. It was suggested the best way to differentiate one pastor from another was to compare them to superheros. Here's an example:

Joel Osteen = Iron Man
According to the show "60 Minutes," Joel Osteen can bench press 300 pounds, which is slightly more than I can. But that's not why I think he's like Iron Man. If you haven't seen the movie, Iron Man is an incredibly rich, confident man named Tony Stark that develops a suit that helps him fight crime. Unlike almost every other superhero, he holds a press conference and actually tells the world he is Iron Man. I kind of feel that way about Osteen. Not that I have anything against him, but I don't think he hates being on the cover of books and magazines and television shows. He seems like someone who, like Tony Stark, is not afraid of the spotlight. And he also has a giant iron world that spins behind him on stage, which seemed to be a perfect tie in to the Iron Man reference. Plus he got a $13 million advance for his last book so he's rich like Iron Man.

To view others like Rick Warren, Beth Moore, and Mark Driscoll, visit Stuff Christians Like.

The Greatest Televangelist You've Never Heard Of

Is this like the Seinfeld episode where Kramer has seizures every time he hears Mary Hart's voice?